A Week Without Facebook

17 Oct

Starting tonight at 8pm, I Jenn Robertson, will NOT be using Facebook for 7 days. Yes, that’s an entire week, people.  It’s not because I’m worried about security, or sad that I FB people instead of calling them on the phone.  No, I want to see how many hours of my life I can get back this week, by not scrolling through my home page, looking at random pictures of people’s cottages, babies, or babies at cottages.

I figure I waste at least 3 hours a week on Facebook.  Allow me clarify that when I say “waste,” I mean aimless wandering in a bumbling, social media induced fog. Basically the online equivalent to 12 year old boys, throwing dirt balls. What I am doing, serves no purpose other than to waste time, and destroy brain cells. As a mother, I don’t have the time I used to, to just F around.  Seriously, I barely have time to play Angry Birds.

Most of my wasted FB time is spent judging other people’s status. Why do I do that? This is Facebook not the New Yorker Magazine. People should be able to post their feelings without having to be witty or profound. OR SHOULD THEY?

Should I have had to endure this status?

“I just cut my nails. They were getting really long. Now I feel awesome!” 

No I shouldn’t have.  And I certainly shouldn’t have wasted another 2 minutes of my life reading the 10, count them 10, comments that followed.

How long were they?
Long.
I love cutting my nails!
Good for you!
I hope they’re not too short. I hate it when I cut them too short 😦
I have a hangnail right now!
Ouch!
Hangnails are the worst!
Try putting olive oil on them.
I will thanks for the tip!

Initially I was angry at these people for wasting 3 min of my life, on the most banal conversation of all time. Then the anger turned on myself, as I realized I chose to read that!

OMG I cannot believe that people just “popped a boner” about some dude cutting his nails.  WTF!

How long were they?

Why is that even relevant?

Just curious….

Don’t be curious about how long some guy’s nails are! Be curious about why there is so much injustice in the world! Be curious about what the we’re going to do when we run out of oil! Also, I don’t even think his nails were that long.

So tonight I begin my 7 days of no FB.  Light a candle everyday and think of me. I’ll be journaling my feelings, listing withdrawal symptoms, and noting all the things I’m doing ’cause I’m not on Facebook.  Nic will be playing the role of enabler by sending me texts every hour, detailing only those FB updates of great importance.  Like when your cousin posts “My hamster just did the funniest thing ever!” Funniest thing ever? I doubt it, cousin Melanie. Talk to you next week!

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9 Responses to “A Week Without Facebook”

  1. Angela October 17, 2011 at 8:48 pm #

    omg very funny best blog ever…..Holly F man I do the same thing…. stupid Facebook…lol….hee heee ….who the F says laugh at loud anyway….thats F book for ya…..keep up the good work 🙂 ….
    F me with the happy face why is it nesscessary damn me and this whole F generation…..alright then all the best Jenn smooch your baby for me ….happy face written out…screw you F book.
    Angela

    • society finch October 17, 2011 at 9:06 pm #

      Thanks for the F-ing support Angela! Smooch your little one for me!

  2. Carla October 18, 2011 at 8:30 am #

    How can I light a candle for you, when I won’t remember who you are? You’ll slip into the abyss with my ex bestie and old aunt fran, who only come to mind when I stumble upon a pic while I face creep. 7 inactive facebook days is like, forever. Couldn’t you stop eating or something instead?

    • society finch October 18, 2011 at 9:05 am #

      Carla don’t forget me! You’ll hear my voice in wind, see my face in a dog in the park, the memory of me will linger on….

  3. Ayumi October 18, 2011 at 9:35 am #

    Should I post my status updates here as well?…just for the week.

    • society finch October 18, 2011 at 10:18 am #

      As the official enabler, I vote “YES.”

  4. poni* oni October 18, 2011 at 10:29 am #

    Agreed. I would actually delete my dumb ass Facebook account in a second if it weren’t for my business and business group page. I often find myself rolling my eyes at the daily stupidity I am subjected to and that I myself sometimes subject others to as well! Does everyone need to be SO connected all of the time? I’m accessible… just TEXT ME FOOL! lol

  5. breezyk October 18, 2011 at 11:58 am #

    I wrote about this recently- it totally perplexes me all the people who actually respond to the world’s lamest status updates. This, by definition, makes you even more lame people. Good luck with the detox!

  6. jec October 18, 2011 at 2:45 pm #

    I spent the entire month of August offline entirely, except for what was absolutely necessary for work. I disabled texts to my phone from Facebook, and I’d text in updates so people didn’t think I’d died, but no checking it, etc. It actually was pretty awesome.

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