Can I Get an Extension? (Part 1)

12 Sep

Live in LA long enough you are sure to do one of the following things:

a)    Run down the aisle screaming at a studio taping of “The Price is Right.”

b)   Be arrested for a DUI while out on the town with a former child star.

c)    Become a Scientologist and start spreading the word of galactic overlord Xenu.

d)   Get hair extensions.

Let’s address each of these:

a)    I can’t seem to score tickets to a Price is Right taping.

b)   I’m generally in bed by 10, which is when people who party START their night.  In fact I’d say a 10pm bedtime really narrows my chance of getting into trouble with the law. How many criminals are in bed by ten?

c)    So far I have resisted the magnetic lure of the Scientology Celebrity Center. Although I hear the burgers at the restaurant inside are amazing! That’s how they get you. First a tasty burger, and then suddenly you’re telling everyone psychiatry is a pseudoscience and methadone has something to do with Hitler.

d)   Isn’t the answer almost always “d”? Yes it’s true, friends! Next Saturday! Mark it on your calendars! Little missy ordered me some hair and it’s being “installed’ next weekend!

The Pixie Cut made me do it.

Growing out a Pixie Cut is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. Okay, maybe it is something I would wish on someone truly evil.

Moammar Gadhafi may you have to grow out a pixie cut for the rest of your life you nasty bastard! Just when it’s almost a bob, we will cut it again and you will be stuck with bad hair forever!!! People will look at you and ask,“Is Moammar growing out his hair, or does he just not care about his personal appearance anymore?”

Growing out a pixie cut with style is next to impossible. The only people who can pull it off are those who are so stunning that all their beauty just cancels out the quasi-mullet at the back of their head. Like Carey Mulligan…

The rest of us are stuck looking in the mirror and heavily sighing for a good 4 to 6 months. My poor husband had to endure me shouting from the bathroom things like,“My hair is bullshit!”, “It’s like a giant un-workable turd on the top of my head!” or, “My hair makes me want to barf.  I am gagging right now while I’m looking at the back of my head!”

Here’s someone having a hard time growing out a pixie cut:

Vanessa Hutchens. She looks a bit like….a Teletubby. Keep smiling, sister! It’ll grow!

If it was 10 years ago, my husband would have to endure many more months of listening to my complaints.  But thankfully, today there are hair extensions! Yes, the hair that we buy from people who live in lands far, far away where hair is thick and beautiful. Then we take that beautiful hair and pretend it’s ours!

Stay tuned (That doesn’t make sense; this is a blog not a TV show!), because next week I’ll tell you all about getting them put in and I’ll post “After” pics! Here’s my “Before” photo. I made sure that I have no make up, it’s an unflattering angle, and I’m not smiling so the after picture next week will look very dramatic!


7 Responses to “Can I Get an Extension? (Part 1)”

  1. Liz September 12, 2011 at 8:08 am #

    You’re just fabulous.

    • society finch September 12, 2011 at 11:05 pm #

      Thanks Liz! We think you’re pretty fabulous yourself.

  2. Oni Auer September 12, 2011 at 10:27 pm #

    I think I pee’d a little while reading this. (from laughter of course) ps. Is it sad that I’m scared of hair extensions?

    • society finch September 12, 2011 at 11:09 pm #

      Jenn may have pee’d a little while writing, but that’s just because she’s always well hydrated.
      And no. Hair extensions can be scary. Just think of Britney Spears circa 2005. Not cute.

  3. Una September 13, 2011 at 3:45 am #

    I too have been contemplating them but only because my hair is always bad, not because of a pixie cut (I could’ve told you Jenn). But I’ll let you be my guinea pig – take the plunge, Rapunzel!

  4. jec September 23, 2011 at 5:02 pm #

    Haha I’m in that growing-it-out phase, too, and terrified of extensions. Guess I’ll deal with bad hair for what seems like the rest of forever… but I’m so glad I’m not the only one! 🙂

    • society finch September 23, 2011 at 7:56 pm #

      You’re definitely not the only one. Though join us in our pro-extension campaign!

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